Introverts, Extroverts, and Healthy Relationships and Habits for Mental Health

Hi, my name is Heather, and today I want to share that I am an introvert. Which is not a bad thing at all. I like my introverted self. (Huge win!) But I also understand that my strengths can be my weaknesses. In a previous post (link) I allowed myself to be vulnerable with you and tell you a little bit about my mental wellness journey. Today, I want to talk a little bit about introverts and extroverts, how they process information, and to be aware of the intent of the desire to be isolated or to never be alone. 

What is an introvert? An introvert is different from a shy person. Though, you can be both. An introvert actually prefers not to be talkative, but to listen and observe, and think about the information they are taking in. We process our thoughts internally. If you come upon an introvert in a quiet room and they are sitting by themselves, they may jump through the ceiling when you say their name because their thoughts were so busy and loud inside their head, they did not hear you approach. Because we process things in our head, we do not speak much about what is going on that may be bothering us. This can be to our detriment; and we may end up trapping a lot of emotions that build up and affect us later on.

At a party we are the ones who prefer to sit on the side or in a corner; and enjoy people watching. Don’t mistake us for judgers. This is how we come to appreciate and like who we are observing. This is how we discern who we would like to get to know. If we choose to interact with people and be talkative, when we get home, we may be exhausted and need either read a book, watch a show, or do something that does not involve talking with someone so we can re-energize. It’s not that we don’t love people. Many of us do. (Some don’t—but I’m not one of them, hehe.) It’s just that it takes a lot of energy to think our own thoughts and process all of the information we are hearing from all around us.

Extroverts, on the other hand, process things verbally, or externally. They will express their thoughts about this and that—may ask your opinion and your friend’s opinion and your parents’ opinions and whoever else is around, about a decision they are making. Then they may express their own opinion over and over again in different ways so they can hear themselves say it and process it. At a party, they will always find someone to speak with. Many extroverts are the life of the party, and we introverts, like it that way—their entertainment and animation are great fun. Parties and lots of people can energize them. If they come home from the party, they will likely find someone to talk to about it.

You don’t have to be strictly an introvert or an extrovert. There may be times and situations the pendulum can swing the other direction. But for the most part, you are inclined to be one or the other, with varying shades in between.

Isolation—things to be aware of for both Introverts and Extroverts

How we need each other—and learn from each other! One thing I learned through talk therapy is that as an introvert, I needed to get outside of my head when I had too much time there. Too much time inside the head is when a person is capable of creating an alternate reality for themselves. My therapists helped me to understand that I needed to find a few people that I trusted to not judge me and to be able to speak with about my thoughts—to verbalize them out loud—just if even to only hear myself say it. Verbalizing thoughts aloud is a healthy way to not only connect with people, but also to do a self-check. “Did I really just say that?”

It’s also super good for us to have extroverts that drag us out periodically to attend social activities and engage with people to build healthy relationships. It keeps us in touch with what is tangible.

In a recent article talking about how mental health issues affect introverts and extroverts differently, the author talked about how introverts need to be aware of excessive isolation and why they are seeking it. Is it to re-energize, process and think creatively? Or is it to avoid social situations because of social anxiety, or something else like depression?

The author also mentioned that alternatively, if an extrovert continually seeks to be with people, without having alone time, that person may be avoiding self-analysis and feel uncomfortable being alone.

Introverts are needed by extroverts as well. Introverts usually are expert at reflecting, being creative, and asking important questions. This may help extroverts process their thoughts more effectively and give them opportunity to reflect on these questions when they are alone.

Either way, being aware of our personality tendencies is helpful for us to understand we all need balance in spending quality time with people, building relationships and sharing; as well as when we need to spend time alone to reflect or to be creative or to regroup.

I have to say I am grateful for my friends—both introvert and extrovert that I can trust to share with, and who accept me in my weaknesses and strengths. At the same time, I endeavor to be that friend to trust, who can have a listening ear and an open heart. We learn from each other, and we are there to check on each other.